All Is Not As It Seems
by summerrayah
Summary: While on the way to a meeting, Ulquiorra is waylaid by one of Gin's pranks...it all goes downhill from there. Especially for an espada of spoonular preportions.
1. The Bar

**I don't own bleach. But Ulquiorra will soon be mine. Muahahahahaha. Seriously not joking. Stop smiling its true I tell you.**

**Ulquiorra: She's not kidding, SAVE ME T_T**

**All is not as it seems**

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

Ulquiorra Schiffer was walking down the hallways of Las Noches when he was joined by Nnoitra.

"What do you want trash" Ulquiorra asked.

"Nothing, I'm just heading to the meeting."

"Don't talk to me." Ulquiorra deadpanned.

"Ok, fine whatever," Nnoitra said.

"Umm, Ulquior-"

"If you speak to me one more time I will cero your head off," Ulquiorra interrupted,

"Trash."

"Fine" Nnoitra turned, "but don't blame me when you-" Suddenly a loud noise rang out as Nnoitra turned back around to see Ulquiorra unconscious on the ground.

"I tried to tell you to watch out because there was a bar in the air. Gin put it there for laughs." Gin popped out from nowhere laughing his head off.

"Wow, Hahahaha, I knew someone would get hit in the head, HAHAHA, I just never thought it would be the emospada himself, Hahahaha, wow Ulquiorra that's pretty sad, HAHAHAHAHA. And I got it all on tape, this is definitely going on you tube" Gin walked away laughing hysterically.

"Ummm Ulquiorra? You awake? Ulquiorra?" Nnoitra said, "Oh great, now what." He grabbed one of Ulquiorra's arms and dragged him to the meeting. Where hopefully someone would know what to do with him.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Where do you think Ulquiorra and Nnoitra are. Usually Ulquiorra is the first one here." Tousen asked. Aizen nodded and looked around while Gin was too busy watching something on his camera and laughing maniacally, causing Aizen and Tousen to look at his strangely and back away slowly. Suddenly the doors opened and Nnoitra appeared struggling to drag an unconscious Ulquiorra through the doors. He had a hold of Ulquiorra's arm with both hands as he tried to pull him through the door, which had got caught on his horn.

"Damn horn," Nnoitra muttered, "He doesn't look as heavy as he really is." Aizen looked startled as he asked "What happened to Ulquiorra?"

"Ask Foxface over there." Nnoitra pointed to Gin who was still laughing maniacally at a camera.

"Gin," Aizen asked dangerously, "What did you do."

"Just look at the video." Gin smiled wider. (if it is even possible) He pulled the video up on you tube and projected it on the wall. Everyone watched as Ulquiorra was knocked out by a metal bar. Over and over and over.

"Gin we get it you can stop replaying it now." Aizen said.

"It wasn't me," Gin could barely say through his laughter.

"Then who..." Aizen asked confused as he looked around to see Grimmjow laughing and replaying it and pausing at where Ulquiorra smacked in to the metal bar.

"Hahahaha that's great, Hahahaha the great Ulquiorra taken down by a metal bar. Hahahaha." Grimmjow choked out through his laughter as Gin high-fived him.

"Are you saying my cuarto espada was knocked unconscious by a mere pole?" Aizen asked.

"Yep pretty much" Gin said barely able to stop laughing.

All of the sudden Ulquiorra who was laying in the middle of the table smiled. Gin's eyes opened wide and his jawed dropped to the floor as he screamed and jumped into Tousen's lap who fainted. Aizen screamed and fell to his knees started begging for his life as Grimmjow ran yowling, in his resurrection form with his tail fluffed out 10 times bigger than usual, under the nearest bed, Harribel ran off with a screaming Nnoitra in her arms. Stark snored and Szayel paled and fainted in a quivering pile of fear on the floor. Yammy and Aaroniero ran for cover, Zommari hid behind Stark, and Barragan stared in shock. Orihime, who was sitting in the corner thinking about Ichigo, screamed and said,

"NO, I don't want the world to end!" Suddenly everyone paused in what they were doing as they stared at Orihime. "In soul society, they say that when Ulquiorra smiles the world will end." Orihime explained as everyone nodded and resumed their positions.

An hour passed as the bravest of them all, well not really the bravest but the one who was most willing to be brave for Ulquiorra's sake, a.k.a. Orihime creeped over to him and poked his side. Everyone screamed as he giggled. Orihime cowered then realized what this meant.

"Oh my gosh, HES TICKLISH!" She yelled.

"That's not possible, my espada are not ticklish, Aizen called from the floor where he had frozen. She tickled him as he giggled again.

"Well you can all get up now, he is still unconscious." Orihime called.

Tousen and Gin were the first to get off the floor where Tousen had fallen. They were holding each other as they walked cautiously to Orihime's side. Harribel was next who was still holding Nnoitra, who let go of her and fell to the ground sheepishly. Szayel rose from a pink quivering puddle on the floor, leaving a pink stain that no one could explain. Yammy and Aaroniero came through the large hole Yammy had made in the wall and Zommari came out from behind Stark who was still sleeping. Grimmjow came out from under Aizen's bed, with his tail still 10 times bigger than normal. Barragan was still in shock as Aizen stood beside Gin, who despite everything was looking at Grimmjow's tail mischievously.

"Ok so now what," Tousen asked. Suddenly a loud scream rang out. Everyone turned to see Grimmjow holding his tail as Gin stepped away whistling innocently. Aizen rolled his eyes.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**That's the end of this chapter the next will be up as soon as I can get on the internet**


	2. Ode to Spoon

**All is not as it seems Chapter 2**

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

"Ulquiorrraaa, ... you awake?" Ulquiorra groaned. He cracked open his eyes as light blinded him.

"Hey Aizen he's waking up. Come on, if you don't wake up I will be in deep crap." Ulquiorra opened his eyes and screamed as he saw a giant spoon.

"GIANT SPOON!" He screamed. Nnorita screamed,

"WHERE." Then Ulquiorra screamed

"TALKING GIANT SPOON!"

"I DON'T SEE ANY GIANT TALKING SPOONS." Nnorita screamed back as Grimmjow slapped him. "Thanks I needed that," he said. Grimmjow grinned and aimed again. "No, no, I'm good, just lower the fist, lower the fist," Nnorita said as he backed away from Grimmjow slowly, who then glared at Gin who was slowly creeping up behind him again. He transformed back into his normal self as Gin looked disappointed.

"Ulquiorra, are you ok? You seem a little weird." Aizen asked.

"Aizen, there is a giant talking spoon standing behind you, he has been watching us for a while. When I say go, you distract it, and I will cero it. We must be careful though, no one knows how powerful it is." Ulquiorra whispered.

"Ulquiorra, that's not a giant talking spoon, that's Nnorita." Aizen said while watching Ulquiorra cautiously.

"No, Nnorita had a face." Ulquiorra whispered, "Ready 1-2-3, ATTACK." He yelled as he dove behind the bed and army crawled to behind Nnorita.

"No, Ulquiorra, stop, DON'T DO IT." Aizen said desperately. Nnorita turned to look at Aizen when he was hit from behind. His body shot forward into the wall. He turned to see Ulquiorra's finger smoking.

"Why, why." He asked.

"Because I don't like giant talking spoons." Ulquiorra said in a final tone. He turned and walked slowly away as Nnorita died. Everyone was staring in shock as Ulquiorra walked out of the room.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"We are gathered here today to say good-bye to one of our own. Nnorita was ummm well I can't really thing of anything good. He was also a pervert and a creeper. We will definitely remember him." Aizen said. He looked around at all his espada. Everyone was wearing black. Except Ulquiorra who was not present. Then he turned back to look at the grave that said Here Lies Nnorita.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**Nnorita: I DIE... THATS HORRIBLE. AND WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I LOOK LIKE A SPOON?**

**I have no idea *winks***


End file.
